14 things men need to take seriously
Below are my notes from men’s leadership community on Feb 23, 2021
You have a vision for your life, your family, your marriage, your career. (click here to read some of my personal vision) There are many things that will keep that vision from ever becoming reality. There is a pull to mediocrity that every man must battle. This is why so many men live average lives, never achieving their vision. To live an uncommon life you have to take some threats seriously.
Blockbuster didn’t take Netflix serious…and they are gone.
Toys-R-Us didn’t take Amazon seriously…and they are gone.
Taxi companies better be taking Uber seriously…or they will soon be gone.
Unless you take the following things seriously, the vision you have is unlikely to ever happen.
Your character
You need to be good at being a man AND you need to be a good man. If you are just good at being a man, you will be prone to sin and mediocrity. We take seriously working on our skills (shooting, car…) we must also take seriously working on our heart. Your kids may not remember how well you can analyze a spreadsheet or repair a hole in the drywall, but they will remember how patient you were (or weren’t) or how kind, or forgiving... And remember this: Character, not capacity, determines your competency
Your health
Your family is counting on you being around, so stay healthy. Work on strength training multiple times per week. Your family needs you to be strong. Otherwise you will rely on others too often. Eat right. If your belly is bigger than your chest you are doing it wrong.
Your tribe
1 Cor 15:33 says “Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good character.” You are the average of your 5 closest friends, so make sure you are around the right people. If you are surrounded by fools, you will be a fool. Here’s how you can know if you will ever change or not: In 12 months from now if you have all the same friends and the same reading habits you won’t change. If you get your friends right you are set for success. If you get your friends wrong you are set for pain. Steve Rice often says “show me your friends, and I'll show you your future.” If you hang with people who are better parents, marriage, Christians than you…then you will get better. If you hang with idiots you will be like them.
Making memories
Our mistake as Christians is often telling our kids the types of activities to avoid and then not showing them what is good godly fun. Memories are one of the things that will unite you as a family when your kids are older. One family once told me “memories cover all the pain.”
Your temptations
1 Corinthians 10:13–14 reminds us that “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” There are common sins for men. Satan hasn’t changed the menu for thousands of years.
Some common PASSIVE sins: Refuse to worship, Engaging in fantasy rather than reality, Checking out emotionally and spiritually, Self pity, Silence when words are needed, Complaining, Making excuses, Disorganization and procrastination, Busyness to avoid responsibility, Lethargy in work, Gluttony, Apathy or lack of ambition, etc…
Some common AGRESSIVE sins: Porn, Criticism, Withholding affection, Using money or power to control others, Mocking and belittling others to exalt ourselves, Slandering another to get ahead, Retaliation when we don’t get our way, Sarcasm veiled as anger, Abandoning your wife and family, Deriving pleasure from watching other people suffer, etc…
And while we have common sins, we all have a unique temptation. Satan takes that sin seriously and so should you. The most common times he will tempt you is when you a Hungry, Isolated and Tired.
The bible says your wife is a helper. What that means is she plays a pivotal role in your spiritual development (as you do in hers). She helps to sanctify you. This is why it’s easy for her to see your sin and point it out. This is God working through her, receive his help.
Reading/Learning
I want to be a world class grandpa when the time arrives. There are two types of grandpa’s 1) the pull my finger grandpa 2) the grandpa sought out for wisdom and advice. You will only become that latter type of grandpa if you have gained a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom. Aditionally, your family needs you to know things now. There are many complicated topics we are all facing and Jesus needs some godly men to have wise counsel for these topics.
You need to be reading, listening to podcasts and sermons more than you are watching TV. Here’s an excellent tool: https://www.lyrn.link/ (created by Ryan and Scott Lingle).
Studying your wife and kids
Too many men love and lead their families the way they themselves want to be loved and led. The best way is to love you way and kids they way they need you to love and lead them. And yes, this may be a moving target. As you study your kids you will learn what they were created to do and you can help guide them towards it.
The effect of sin on your family
Romans 6:23 tells us “The wages of sin is death.” Satan wants to kill your family, your wife, your kids and your life’s visions. Do not let a hint of sin in your family without putting up a fight. When sin comes, and it will, get in the ring and fight. Take that fight seriously.
Family finances
Some men are great at this, some need work. John Wesley, in the 1700’s came up with a great formula: Earn all you can, Save all you can, Give all you can. In your life find an honest way to make enough money to give to God, be generous with others, and take care of your family. And make sure to spend money to make her life easier (dependable car, babysitting, decent home). Kyle Jorns says to make sure to set up a 439 (college savings plan) by the time your kids are 1 year old.
Your example
Here’s a hard truth: Your boys will be like you and your daughters will marry men like you. So be the kind of man you want your boys to become and the kind of man you want your daughters to marry (credit to Tom Drake). This is why your example matters. 1 Tim 4:12 gives a great plan to follow “set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”
Your temper
Eph 4:26 says “In your anger do not sin.” You will get angry. But a good man will choose to not sin in his anger. He will not fly off the handle, pout, give his wife the silent treatment, slam doors…If you see a pattern of anger over trivial matters you need to work on this.
Your legacy
The fool only lives for today. The wise man lives with his great great great grandchildren in mind. Don’t just be a “good time man” be a “good legacy man.” God wants you to be thinking generationally.
God’s warning signs
Like the warning light on your dashboard, God often gives us signals of things we need to work on in all aspects of our lives. You may experience that during worship, while reading this post, or in many other ways. This is especially true in the things your wife is constantly reminding you about :) Do not ignore those warning signs. Take them seriously. We grow when we respond to God’s discipline.
Do things
Do not be the kind of man who talks about what he used to do. Be the kind of man who is living adventurously now. Make stuff, create something, build things, conquer something, achieve a goal. Get busy living or get busy dying.
