The best decisions we made in our twenties
The decisions you make when you are starting out on your own will have consequences. If you make better choices you will have fewer regrets.
If you are in your 20’s please read this article carefully and prayerfully.
As a pastor, people often come to me significant life problems. Some of them are so significant that the only way to fix them would be to go back in time 20-30 years and have them make better/different decisions. With that in mind I’d like to tell you the top decisions Erica and I made in our 20’s that have made life amazing in our 50’s.
The best decisions we made in our twenties
We decided to live our lives according to God’s word. This is far harder to do than to live according to culture. This means we have accepted God’s teachings rather than what society teaches. And there is a huge difference. God’s word and his laws aren’t a lid over you they are a net underneath you. If you live in agreement with then you will be blessed. If you live against them you will have regrets both ion this life and in eternity. And Erica and I are in agreement. We don’t have separate theologies.
We got rid of credit cards. We still do not have a credit card and never will. We had one in the first year of our marriage and got a little burned. We paid it off and then cut it up. I promise you a trillion dollar industry knows far more how to take your money than you realize.
We started saving for retirement immediately after college. My first job was a youth pastor in Bel Air Maryland. They had me put $30 per week in a retirement account. We have continued that all these years and thanks to compounding interest and dividends we have no worries for our retirement.
Divorce is not an option…Faithfulness is the only option. We have never uttered the word divorce (although I think Erica has considered murder a few times 😊). And we have been 100% faithful to each other. There is complete trust between us.
I decided I would take first responsibility. It took me a few years to understand what it means to lead the family. One thing that it means is that I take responsibility first, just like Jesus did for us on the cross. I made the decision years ago that if we ever had any conflict, I would be the first to repent and seek reconciliation. Not that Erica is unwilling to do so, I simply want to lead like Jesus wants me to lead. I haven’t done this perfectly but doing this consistently has made our home more Christlike.
Save $10,000 and have no debt before having kids. We just figured it would be expensive to have kids so we set 10k as a goal. And we were able to save that up very quickly. They actually aren’t that expensive when they are newborns.
Erica became a stay-at-home mother. She quit her job and stayed home with them until all the kids were in elementary school. Even then she took a job that allowed her to go to work after they left for school and got home before them. This wasn’t something we think is required by all Christians but you never get this time back.
We decided to live on my salary and save hers. Before we had kids Erica was a social worker and I was a youth pastor. We used her salary to pay off all the minimal debt we had and then saved all of her salary. This is how we were able to save up the 10k, which was what enabled Erica to stay at home. See my point…good decisions lead to other good decisions.
We made the decision to not drink alcohol. As a pastor and a social worker, we saw the devastating effects of alcohol. We simply did not see the benefit to it. We know of no one who added alcohol into their life and then things got better. In full transparency we know many who drink, and it’s had little to no effect on them. But we know many more who live with the addiction, depression, weight gain, dysfunction, DUI prison sentences, and a host of other side effects that come from alcohol. Plus, alcoholism runs in both our families and we didn’t want to open that door to ourselves or our children.
We did pre-marriage counseling before we got engaged. We wanted to have God’s blessing before we got engaged.
We embraced the church. If you think you’ve been hurt by the church, I promise you we have been hurt far more. We’ve been lied about, gossiped about, slandered, stolen from, taken advantage of, etc… But we also know that the church is God’s plan to reach the world and where we would grow in our relationship to Jesus. You cannot find that elsewhere. We believe it is nearly impossible to grow close to Jesus and not be involved in a local church.
Here’s a few other decisions we made…but wish we would have made them sooner
Saving for college. We began 529’s for our kids in our late 30’s. This is something we should have done in our 20’s.
Buying cars with cash. We also started doing this in our late 30’s and we love not having car payments. Car payments are for suckers! I wish we had started this in our 20’s as well. All three of our kids started this in their teens and will benefit from this their entire life.
Being a voracious learner. Currently I am a doctoral student, listen to 1-2 podcasts a day, am reading multiple books and meet routinely with other leaders to learn from them. I wish I had realized in my twenties that I had much more to learn rather than living as if I knew everything. I have noticed a common theme of immaturity among men who aren’t willing to learn.
Get a side hustle. My son, Jackson, has a full time job and started a side hustle this past year and is making lots of extra cash. When you are in your twenties and have energy and less responsibility you should absolutely consider getting a side job or better yet, start your own business. My other son, Carter, has a FT summer job, his own business, and two extra side hustles. I wish I would have done this in my twenties.
