How a Pastor feels when someone leaves the church

OUCH: Plain and simple it often hurts. This is the obvious one. A Pastor has a fathers heart for the church. When someone leaves it feels as though one of the kids has run off.

YEAH: Yes sometimes a person leaves and we celebrate! Not everyone is pleasant. There are wolves among the sheep. When they leave it lead a pastor to have good vibrations.

IT’S ALWAYS PERSONAL: Across the years we have helped people in many ways; helped the move into new homes, babysat, brought meals, baptized them, dedicated their babies, married them, etc… So when someone leaves for reasons that are invalid or unknown we feel as is someone has ditched us. That may not be the actual case but it does feel that way.

MORAL: When someone leaves we worry about the moral of the church family. Everyone in a church is equally valued. But not everyone has equal impact. When a person of influence leaves a church it often causes a moral issue. Either with the whole church or with the segment of the church in which they had influence.

FOLLOWERS: We worry that others will go with them. I’ve never experienced some sort of mass exodus.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?: I’ve always had an exciting, growing ministry where people are coming to Jesus and being baptized, etc… And I know this is rare. Not all churches see that. When someone leaves this environment I have to scratch my head and say “Are you kidding me?” To leave a place where the great commission is happening is baffling.

TELLING MY WIFE: This is difficult. As the mother of the church her heart is deeply affected when this happens. Probably more than mine. I hate having to tell her something that I know will break her heart. She has grieved and cried over these issues.

TELLING MY KIDS: Also hard. My kids, especially when little, had no understanding why someone would leave church. We have moved far from biological family and church has become family for us. So what am I telling my kids. For one…not to be loyal the COTN.

WHEN I CANT SAY WHY: When someone leaves for a legit reason, like moving away, it’s easy to explain. But when I can’t tell the reason that’s difficult. For example, once a church member was caught, by another church member, having an inappropriate relationship with another woman. They tenderly confronted them about it and they person left church immediately. Others were speculating why they left, and they came up with all kinds of crazy reasons. Only two of us knew they truth. On another occasion I had a board member commit a crime. When I was told about it they quit the board and church by leaving their keys and a goodbye note on the doorstep of another board member. Only I knew what had happened.

WHEN I DON’T KNOW WHY: This is the majority of the time. That leads to speculation. This leads to rumors.